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ABOUT THE PLAY

SPLITTING HEIRS is an original comedy in verse, very loosely based on Le Legataire Universel, by Jean-Francois Regnard, an early 18th century French playwright who composed the body of his work approximately 25 years after the death of his revered idol, Moliere. This rendering is its first in English.
It has a cast of 5 men and 3 women, and preserves the unities of time, place and action. The language is in verse in the style of Moliere, i.e. in rhymed couplets. World premiere and subsidiary rights are available.




THE CAST (In order of appearance)

 

ERASTE Nephew to GERONTE, bumbling, awkward, shy, Loveable, scared of his uncle, madly in love with—
ISABELLE: The girl next door. Everything you’ve ever wanted in an ingenue and less. Never says more than three Words in a row until the epilogue. Conveys her Character in poses.
CRISPIN* Servant to ERASTE, jack-of-all-trades, bon-vivant, Master of disguise. Fences, plays a German doctor, A woman and impersonates GERONTE.
LISETTE Prototype comic maid, servant to GERONTE. Sharp, Sassy, plays a man in one scene.
GERONTE An old, sick miser. Dies several times.
MME ARGANTE ISABELLE’S mother. Dame Edith Evans & Edna May Oliver rolled into one.
NOTARY One of GERONTE’s lawyers. A very short man. (Can be played by a midget or a man on his knees). Also plays the ASSISTANT to the GENDARME.
PIERRE NOTARY’s brother. Another very short man. Also plays the GENDARME.


* Note pronunciation Kree-SPAN.


 

SCENE SAMPLE

PROLOGUE

(The stage is black except for a special on ISABELLE & ERASTE. He is on one knee. She faces away from him, frozen in a lovely demure tableau. He hesitates, then speaks. She moves only to change poses)

ERASTE

My dearest Isabelle—I—that is—I

ISABELLE

                                                            Yes?

ERASTE

I have a secret longing to confess.

One which I carry with me in my heart.

May I impart its thought to you?

ISABELLE

                                                Impart.

ERASTE

(During his next lines he prompts himself from crib sheets fastened to various parts of his

body—inside his hat, coat, on the sole of his shoe, etc.)

Well, then, dear Isabelle, I mean—uh—

ISABELLE

                                                            Yes?

ERASTE

If but my heart could speak, it would confess

A hundred sweet enchantments which your face

Creates within it. Let me words embrace

Your—

ISABELLE

            Oh!

ERASTE

                        Heart, as yours has embraced my own.

Which beats, here, evermore, for you alone.

The moment we first met—when?

ISABELLE

                                                            Yesterday.

ERASTE

I felt a peace surround my sorry way.

Since first I heard the music in your voice—

ISABELLE

                (Demonstrating)

Ah! Ah!

ERASTE

            That makes the wingéd bird rejoice.

Would I could better fashion into speech

The love I bear you. How must I beseech,

Explain, cajole and flatter such a sense

That you might not show cool indifference

To this sweet longing that my soul endures

In its desire to be as one with yours.

It wanders, silent, lonely, late at night,

In search of an oasis of requite

For its most tender passion—

ISABELLE

                                                Oh!

ERASTE

                                                            Forgive

The candor of my ardor, but to live

In doubt and darkness, aching so to pass

Into the light of your sweet eyes—

ISABELLE

                                                            Alas!

ERASTE

Your loving, giving heart must long to cure

This tender malady, so clear, so pure—

ISABELLE

Yes!

ERASTE

            Then, do you consent to let me dwell

In paradise with dearest Isabelle?

Your honey lips need only to confess

That you might condescend to love me—

ISABELLE

                                                                        Yes!

(Stunned that she has agreed, he collects, himself, kisses her hand and faints dead away. She turns and smiles down at him as the lights go to black).